Detox

Went on a little weekend vaca with the kids.  Hard to stay on track, but a lot of walking was involved so that helped keep things moving forward.  I weighed in this morning, not too bad.  So today is the start of detox from the vaca.  I walked this morning.  Super tired, but walked anyway.  LOL  Just had my spinach smoothie, so we are almost back to normal. 

PMS Hell

Currently, this is my location.  PMS hell.  I have eaten everything that is not nailed down.  Seriously.  FML.  I'm still working out, just not everything is going 100%.  Water is harder to get in right now.  But this too shall pass. 

Persistance is better than perfection

I saw this quote yesterday, and it couldn't have come at a better time.  I think I'm too focused on perfection and getting that perfect number on the scale that I'm missing the big picture. 

So here's to persistence.  Jillian Michaels and I worked out today.  I still hate her face.  Her workout is hard core to me still, but that's ok.  Today was day 9, so after 1 more day I get to move on to level 2!!  Holy shit.  Level 2.......

I bought some chicken sausage to have for dinner tonight, the family is having hot dogs.  Surprisingly there wasn't much nutritional difference in the two except for the protein.  I know hot dogs are bad for you anyway, but lets be honest.  They are freaking delicious.  Right up there with bacon if grilled properly. 

I think I'm starting to get sick.  Sinus junk has been going around for a few weeks now.....hopefully it won't hit too hard!

Weigh in Day

Well, officially the scale has not moved.  I know I weigh every day but I only "count" it on Sundays.  I'm pretty frustrated.  I took today off from working out.  Mentally I need a break.  So today I am taking a break, and tomorrow I will start again.  So here is a list of positives:

• I'm eating better-better choices for me and my family
• I'm getting activity almost every day (6-7 days a week)
• I have less chins now
• I've got some new music on my spotify for working out

I really haven't seen a lot of NSV's.  I'm sure I am just overlooking them because I'm disappointed, but there are a few.   

Choices

I weighed myself today.  I know, I'm a scale whore.  But it said I gained almost 3lbs!  Seriously??  Fucking seriously??!!  I realize I shouldn't be discouraged, but its so hard not to feel like that number matters. 

But instead of freaking out (which I wanted to do so badly) I went for a walk.  I walked for about an hour.  I'm glad that I made that choice instead of eating my feelings.  I still want to eat my feelings, but I ate a salad instead. 

TGIF

Day 7 done!  I was really sore today, this workout hurt.  Not sure if that's a good thing or not.  My walking buddy is on vacay so I will be doing the tape more than walking.  I like walking but I really feel like the tape will give me noticeable results.  Where walking is a slower result.  Not that slow would be bad.......but I need to NOTICE something!! 

My eating has been kind of less than stellar.  Probably less 80/20 and more 60/40.  But that's ok.  I'm not looking to change everything in a month.  I'm looking to change it for forever.  A bunch of small steps will get me there.

Thirsty Thursday

The only thing I'm "missing" right now is drinking.  I've been avoiding it because I don't want to waste the calories.  Not that I drank much anyway, but there are some days you feel like you need one.  I'm not deprived by any means, LOL. 

Yesterday I walked.  Today I completed day 6 of the shred.  I can notice that I can complete a little more but not as much as I'd like.  I'm still working through the frustrations of slowness.  I don't know why but I feel fatter.  Its a weird feeling, because I know I'm not but I really FEEL that way. 

I think that is contributing to my poor mood lately.  I really don't mean to be so bitchy, but I think I'm just really frustrated.  Oh, well......progress is progress.  Keep moving!!

Tuesdays......

I completed day 5 of the shred.  I can't tell if its getting any easier.  I have trouble completing the full 2minutes of cardio.  The jumping is really hard for me for some reason.  I would say I'm still at 75% of the cardio.  I'm still using the 5lb weights, but I can't do more than 5 girl push ups at a time.  Hopefully I'll get better at those.  Especially since they are girl push ups!!

I met a friend for lunch today and it was such a great release.  Everyone needs friends that they don't have to "try" with.  I'm lucky enough to have 2.  Spending time with them truly revives my spirit. 

All in all great day!

Day 4........

Hmm......in some weird way I love this DVD.  Its kicking my ass for sure, but I feel good later.  I'm not feeling any of those "endorphines"  all I feel is TIRED!!  Literally, I couldn't get up for a half hour afterwards today. 

I know that part of my frustration with the slow weight loss is the fact that I used to have the lapband.  The reason I "used to" have one, is because I had to have an emergency surgery to remove it.  I'll write about that another time.  I haven't quite dealt with the emotional loss of it-  I realize that may sound a little silly, but it really was a loss for me. 

So today was a pretty good day.  Workout was super hard but I did it.  I just need to see some changes!!

Frustrations

I did day 3 today, still wanting to die by the end of it.  But, she does motivate you at the right spots.  When you feel like dying and giving up-she pushes you.  Its the first time I've really felt that in a DVD. 

Today I am frustrated.  Its weigh in day, and I've only lost 4lbs.  I realize that ONLY 4 is still 4lbs, and I should  be happy that they're forever gone.....but its difficult to feel like that.  I feel like I've made improvements that should have allowed me to lose more.  I'm trying not to let it get me down, I worked out today and plan to keep moving forward...but my pride is hurt.  DH says he can see changes in my body....but the evil bitch inside me says "Of course he'll say that..you're like Medusa walking around his house right now."  

Its such a roller coaster.  If I was reading this as someone else, I would encourage this person to keep moving on.  4 lost is better than 4 gained!  Those 4lbs make you 4lbs closer to your goal, 4lbs closer to who you want to be physically.  And the changes you made haven't been impossible.  Every small change leads to greater ones. 

The evil bitch inside says BULLSHIT.  LOL  I suppose if I can laugh about it a little the day is not lost.  I keep looking at people's before and after pictures to keep myself motivated.  It does help, and I know that eventually I will see something happen.  I'm just not a patient person.  So, for now I will just keep repeating "Something will happen, keep moving forward."

Oh, Jillian Michaels.....

I love to hate her.  Completed day 2 of the shred today.  I've really never wanted to die in a workout before, until now.  All I can think while I'm doing it is that this sucks DONKEY BALLS and it better fucking work! 

Do you ever eat something that you think is really good for you just to find out its a calorie infested bitch??  Enter PEANUT BUTTER.  So, the smoothie I have been eating EVERY DAY has almost 500 calories!  WTF??!!  Half the calories come from the peanut butter-which really does make the smoothie delicious by the way.  We are in quite the pickle here......to eat or not to eat. 

I've decided to eat it until I can get to the store to check out some almond butter.  I want to check the nutritional info to see how much I can save.  I don't really want to eat more chemicals just to save on fat and calories.  I'd rather eat/drink the 500 healthy calories than 200 chemical calories.  Maybe its irrational, but I feel like that is better in the long run.  But what a shock last night.  I don't even know what made me decide to try and calculate it. LOL, depressing lesson learned here. 

Friday!

Friday have a whole new meaning to me now that I'm not working outside the home.  LOL.  Fridays are no longer as relaxing since I know that everyone will be home and need something 24/7.  The joys of marriage and motherhood.  Maybe that could be my next blog!  LOL

So, today I'm feeling hungrier than normal.  I don't think its hunger as much as cravings.  I tried to make decent choices when I was munching, but somehow an ice cream sandwich snuck its way into my mouth today.  NO idea how that happened......LOL  All in all its been a pretty good week.  I walked today, and plan to do the shred tomorrow, and Sunday too.  I'm sore today from the tape which is a great feeling.  Weird that I'm enjoying that.  I think its because I'm not so sore that I can't move, but sore enough to feel like I'm making a difference. 

The hardest part of this journey is trying not to look at the big picture.  When I do, its overwhelming.  I'm still a scale whore, I haven't been able to break that habit yet.  But I try not to let it get me down.  I don't "count" the way in until Sunday.  But it does help motivate me to do it once a day.  When I look at the big picture it seems like the goal is so far away.  Even if I think about where I want to be in a month, it seems out of reach.  I'm really trying to focus small and not get carried away.  I would really love to get under 200 by the end of October.  Its a pretty big goal, but go big or go home!  LOL

I really feel like the Shred is going to help me get there.  The walking is great, I sweat a ton!!  Totally gross!!  But I "feel" the difference in the shred physically.  So, we will see!

30 Day Shred (1)

Okay....first day down.  I can honestly say I wanted to vomit after this workout.  My arms and legs felt like jelly.  I would say I completed about 75% of it.  I needed to pause through a couple of reps, but for the most part I kept up.  I did use the 3lb weights instead of the 5 because I was hoping that that would help me push through.  And truthfully I think it did.  Hopefully I will be able to work up to the 5 by next week, but for now I think getting through the moves in the right form is more important than the actual weight.  And I know it will get there eventually. 

Working out woes

So, its no secret that I've been disappointed in the results of this change so far.  Mostly disappointed that it takes so long, even though rationally I know slow is better.  So what can you do.  Well you can quit, you can just keep going or you can work harder.  So I'm choosing to work harder. 

Walking is great, but its not showing me results and I'm afraid I will get discouraged.  So I'm going to incorporate the 30 Day shred by Jillian Michaels. I tried the level one and could only get through half.  HOLY FUCK BALLS.  I've never felt so out of shape. 

Just keep swimming.  So tomorrow I'm trying it again.  LOL

The mouths of babes.....

So tonight at dinner, my DD is explaining that she won't have 4 bowls of dinner (salad btw) because it could make her fat like me.  THEN she adds, No OFFENSE.  REALLY???

Good Lord.  I realize my feelings should not be hurt, but they are.  I don't want her to see me as fat.  But can I really be offended??  It is true.  Its not like she meant to be mean, but ouch.  In a way though, I want it to motivate me.  I would rather she see me as healthy, not fat.  Or at least as a person who is trying. 

On a positive note, I was down 4lbs this morning.  So in the last month I've lost 4 pounds.  Not as much as I'd like, but I feel like the changes I made I can live with.  I'm not sure I will always be able to work out 5-7times a week the way I've been, but we will see.  Maybe someday I will love my workouts.  LOL