Been too long!

I don't even know where to start, but happy November!  I realize that I need to significantly up my game.  So I am going to be doing the Shred and walking.  I think I need a jump start to keep my momentum going. 

I did move up to level 2,and WHAT a difference from level 1.  Literally sore for days.  Which is excellent.  More tomorrow. 

Detox

Went on a little weekend vaca with the kids.  Hard to stay on track, but a lot of walking was involved so that helped keep things moving forward.  I weighed in this morning, not too bad.  So today is the start of detox from the vaca.  I walked this morning.  Super tired, but walked anyway.  LOL  Just had my spinach smoothie, so we are almost back to normal. 

PMS Hell

Currently, this is my location.  PMS hell.  I have eaten everything that is not nailed down.  Seriously.  FML.  I'm still working out, just not everything is going 100%.  Water is harder to get in right now.  But this too shall pass. 

Persistance is better than perfection

I saw this quote yesterday, and it couldn't have come at a better time.  I think I'm too focused on perfection and getting that perfect number on the scale that I'm missing the big picture. 

So here's to persistence.  Jillian Michaels and I worked out today.  I still hate her face.  Her workout is hard core to me still, but that's ok.  Today was day 9, so after 1 more day I get to move on to level 2!!  Holy shit.  Level 2.......

I bought some chicken sausage to have for dinner tonight, the family is having hot dogs.  Surprisingly there wasn't much nutritional difference in the two except for the protein.  I know hot dogs are bad for you anyway, but lets be honest.  They are freaking delicious.  Right up there with bacon if grilled properly. 

I think I'm starting to get sick.  Sinus junk has been going around for a few weeks now.....hopefully it won't hit too hard!

Weigh in Day

Well, officially the scale has not moved.  I know I weigh every day but I only "count" it on Sundays.  I'm pretty frustrated.  I took today off from working out.  Mentally I need a break.  So today I am taking a break, and tomorrow I will start again.  So here is a list of positives:

• I'm eating better-better choices for me and my family
• I'm getting activity almost every day (6-7 days a week)
• I have less chins now
• I've got some new music on my spotify for working out

I really haven't seen a lot of NSV's.  I'm sure I am just overlooking them because I'm disappointed, but there are a few.   

Choices

I weighed myself today.  I know, I'm a scale whore.  But it said I gained almost 3lbs!  Seriously??  Fucking seriously??!!  I realize I shouldn't be discouraged, but its so hard not to feel like that number matters. 

But instead of freaking out (which I wanted to do so badly) I went for a walk.  I walked for about an hour.  I'm glad that I made that choice instead of eating my feelings.  I still want to eat my feelings, but I ate a salad instead. 

TGIF

Day 7 done!  I was really sore today, this workout hurt.  Not sure if that's a good thing or not.  My walking buddy is on vacay so I will be doing the tape more than walking.  I like walking but I really feel like the tape will give me noticeable results.  Where walking is a slower result.  Not that slow would be bad.......but I need to NOTICE something!! 

My eating has been kind of less than stellar.  Probably less 80/20 and more 60/40.  But that's ok.  I'm not looking to change everything in a month.  I'm looking to change it for forever.  A bunch of small steps will get me there.

Thirsty Thursday

The only thing I'm "missing" right now is drinking.  I've been avoiding it because I don't want to waste the calories.  Not that I drank much anyway, but there are some days you feel like you need one.  I'm not deprived by any means, LOL. 

Yesterday I walked.  Today I completed day 6 of the shred.  I can notice that I can complete a little more but not as much as I'd like.  I'm still working through the frustrations of slowness.  I don't know why but I feel fatter.  Its a weird feeling, because I know I'm not but I really FEEL that way. 

I think that is contributing to my poor mood lately.  I really don't mean to be so bitchy, but I think I'm just really frustrated.  Oh, well......progress is progress.  Keep moving!!

Tuesdays......

I completed day 5 of the shred.  I can't tell if its getting any easier.  I have trouble completing the full 2minutes of cardio.  The jumping is really hard for me for some reason.  I would say I'm still at 75% of the cardio.  I'm still using the 5lb weights, but I can't do more than 5 girl push ups at a time.  Hopefully I'll get better at those.  Especially since they are girl push ups!!

I met a friend for lunch today and it was such a great release.  Everyone needs friends that they don't have to "try" with.  I'm lucky enough to have 2.  Spending time with them truly revives my spirit. 

All in all great day!

Day 4........

Hmm......in some weird way I love this DVD.  Its kicking my ass for sure, but I feel good later.  I'm not feeling any of those "endorphines"  all I feel is TIRED!!  Literally, I couldn't get up for a half hour afterwards today. 

I know that part of my frustration with the slow weight loss is the fact that I used to have the lapband.  The reason I "used to" have one, is because I had to have an emergency surgery to remove it.  I'll write about that another time.  I haven't quite dealt with the emotional loss of it-  I realize that may sound a little silly, but it really was a loss for me. 

So today was a pretty good day.  Workout was super hard but I did it.  I just need to see some changes!!

Frustrations

I did day 3 today, still wanting to die by the end of it.  But, she does motivate you at the right spots.  When you feel like dying and giving up-she pushes you.  Its the first time I've really felt that in a DVD. 

Today I am frustrated.  Its weigh in day, and I've only lost 4lbs.  I realize that ONLY 4 is still 4lbs, and I should  be happy that they're forever gone.....but its difficult to feel like that.  I feel like I've made improvements that should have allowed me to lose more.  I'm trying not to let it get me down, I worked out today and plan to keep moving forward...but my pride is hurt.  DH says he can see changes in my body....but the evil bitch inside me says "Of course he'll say that..you're like Medusa walking around his house right now."  

Its such a roller coaster.  If I was reading this as someone else, I would encourage this person to keep moving on.  4 lost is better than 4 gained!  Those 4lbs make you 4lbs closer to your goal, 4lbs closer to who you want to be physically.  And the changes you made haven't been impossible.  Every small change leads to greater ones. 

The evil bitch inside says BULLSHIT.  LOL  I suppose if I can laugh about it a little the day is not lost.  I keep looking at people's before and after pictures to keep myself motivated.  It does help, and I know that eventually I will see something happen.  I'm just not a patient person.  So, for now I will just keep repeating "Something will happen, keep moving forward."

Oh, Jillian Michaels.....

I love to hate her.  Completed day 2 of the shred today.  I've really never wanted to die in a workout before, until now.  All I can think while I'm doing it is that this sucks DONKEY BALLS and it better fucking work! 

Do you ever eat something that you think is really good for you just to find out its a calorie infested bitch??  Enter PEANUT BUTTER.  So, the smoothie I have been eating EVERY DAY has almost 500 calories!  WTF??!!  Half the calories come from the peanut butter-which really does make the smoothie delicious by the way.  We are in quite the pickle here......to eat or not to eat. 

I've decided to eat it until I can get to the store to check out some almond butter.  I want to check the nutritional info to see how much I can save.  I don't really want to eat more chemicals just to save on fat and calories.  I'd rather eat/drink the 500 healthy calories than 200 chemical calories.  Maybe its irrational, but I feel like that is better in the long run.  But what a shock last night.  I don't even know what made me decide to try and calculate it. LOL, depressing lesson learned here. 

Friday!

Friday have a whole new meaning to me now that I'm not working outside the home.  LOL.  Fridays are no longer as relaxing since I know that everyone will be home and need something 24/7.  The joys of marriage and motherhood.  Maybe that could be my next blog!  LOL

So, today I'm feeling hungrier than normal.  I don't think its hunger as much as cravings.  I tried to make decent choices when I was munching, but somehow an ice cream sandwich snuck its way into my mouth today.  NO idea how that happened......LOL  All in all its been a pretty good week.  I walked today, and plan to do the shred tomorrow, and Sunday too.  I'm sore today from the tape which is a great feeling.  Weird that I'm enjoying that.  I think its because I'm not so sore that I can't move, but sore enough to feel like I'm making a difference. 

The hardest part of this journey is trying not to look at the big picture.  When I do, its overwhelming.  I'm still a scale whore, I haven't been able to break that habit yet.  But I try not to let it get me down.  I don't "count" the way in until Sunday.  But it does help motivate me to do it once a day.  When I look at the big picture it seems like the goal is so far away.  Even if I think about where I want to be in a month, it seems out of reach.  I'm really trying to focus small and not get carried away.  I would really love to get under 200 by the end of October.  Its a pretty big goal, but go big or go home!  LOL

I really feel like the Shred is going to help me get there.  The walking is great, I sweat a ton!!  Totally gross!!  But I "feel" the difference in the shred physically.  So, we will see!

30 Day Shred (1)

Okay....first day down.  I can honestly say I wanted to vomit after this workout.  My arms and legs felt like jelly.  I would say I completed about 75% of it.  I needed to pause through a couple of reps, but for the most part I kept up.  I did use the 3lb weights instead of the 5 because I was hoping that that would help me push through.  And truthfully I think it did.  Hopefully I will be able to work up to the 5 by next week, but for now I think getting through the moves in the right form is more important than the actual weight.  And I know it will get there eventually. 

Working out woes

So, its no secret that I've been disappointed in the results of this change so far.  Mostly disappointed that it takes so long, even though rationally I know slow is better.  So what can you do.  Well you can quit, you can just keep going or you can work harder.  So I'm choosing to work harder. 

Walking is great, but its not showing me results and I'm afraid I will get discouraged.  So I'm going to incorporate the 30 Day shred by Jillian Michaels. I tried the level one and could only get through half.  HOLY FUCK BALLS.  I've never felt so out of shape. 

Just keep swimming.  So tomorrow I'm trying it again.  LOL

The mouths of babes.....

So tonight at dinner, my DD is explaining that she won't have 4 bowls of dinner (salad btw) because it could make her fat like me.  THEN she adds, No OFFENSE.  REALLY???

Good Lord.  I realize my feelings should not be hurt, but they are.  I don't want her to see me as fat.  But can I really be offended??  It is true.  Its not like she meant to be mean, but ouch.  In a way though, I want it to motivate me.  I would rather she see me as healthy, not fat.  Or at least as a person who is trying. 

On a positive note, I was down 4lbs this morning.  So in the last month I've lost 4 pounds.  Not as much as I'd like, but I feel like the changes I made I can live with.  I'm not sure I will always be able to work out 5-7times a week the way I've been, but we will see.  Maybe someday I will love my workouts.  LOL

Your Horoscope

So my horoscope confirmed that this week is particularly shit-tastic.  I've still been working out each day-even though I am bitching the whole time.  LOL  And I am still drinking my water everyday.  So all in all I'm overcoming, just slowly.  A friend and I decided that this is one of those testing weeks.  We just need to keep pushing through-mostly because we don't want to. 

New Week....New Challenges!

The title says it all, but first lets recap.  I met and exceeded all my goals from last week!  Wondering if I was really on my game or if they were too easy??  LOL 

I like having that green smoothie after I work out.  I don't know if it really helps after a work out, but it keeps me full and I'm really glad to get my veggies in without actually tasting them! 

I actually worked out 6 times this week.  I finally found some great sports bras.  They come at a high price, but its worth it to feel supported when I'm working out.  Turns out I need new regular bras too!  LOL  I'm hesitant to get some before I lost a little weight because I'm afraid of the cup changing too much.  They are so expensive to replace.  I may wait a couple weeks and see, then I will have worked out for a month. And most times, when I lose weight I don't lose much in the boob.  Not sure if that's good or bad sometimes. 

Ok, goals for this week:

Work out 5x
Increase work out by 15 minutes (currently doing 30 minutes)
Try something new

Let's talk boobies.....

So, I don't know about anyone else but my boobs are KILLING me after I work out.  It could be because of the PMS, but its ridiculous.  I went to try and find a sports bra today and that was an epic failure.  It is not easy to find a supportive sports bra.  Sure, if I was part of the itty bitty titty committee there were a million choices.  But, alas I am not.  I hate ordering things online, so I am going to try a few more stores before giving in.

So far, I've worked out 5 times this week.  I plan to go again tomorrow.  Saturdays will be optional for now.  I figure while I'm in the mood-go.  It can't hurt.  And when I'm not in the mood I won't.  As long as I've already got my 5 in for the week. 

Hopefully I can find something this weekend!!

Thursday

Walked again today, we added an extra 1/4 mile to the workout today.  It surprisingly doesn't take as much extra time as you would think.  Monday we are going to add the other half of the neighborhood too.  Right now we are walking about 30-35 minutes.  I think adding the other half will increase us at least 20 minutes and I think that's a low estimate. 

The scale hasn't really budged at all.  Kind of annoying.  I am also a scale whore so I am trying to get out of that habit.  I do feel less bloated, and rationally I know that it has only been a couple of weeks.  Its just frustrating.  But I am still moving forward.  I had my spinach smoothie again today.  I realize that its really simple to throw together and I do feel full afterwards. 

I am trying to keep a food journal.  I'm really terrible at this, I hate writing stuff down.  That's why WW never really worked for me long term.  I hated tracking. 

OH!  I made the twice baked cauliflower tonight.  Yum-O.  Here is the link http://www.kalynskitchen.com/2006/09/twice-baked-cauliflower-recipe.html.  I used Greek yogurt instead of sour cream and all of my cheeses were full fat.  Just what I had on hand.  I did leave off the bacon, mainly because I was too lazy to cook it.  But it was really good.  I ran them through the food processor once they were mashed to make them really smooth.  Of course hubby would not try them and the kids don't like mashed potatoes, so they were all mine.  LOL  But I will be making them again.  They were really good.  

It must be a full moon.....

Or PMS.

The high for today is that I tried the C25K again.  I completed 1/2 of the first day!  I'm excited about that because the other day I could only run 3 times.  I've never been a runner-frankly I've never enjoyed exercise at all, but I'm excited to see how far I can go. 

I did well with my H2O today.  I decided that I am going to try to swap between Crystal light and water.  I have a hard time drinking water unless its crystal light, so we'll see how that goes. 

Blogging is therapy

I am mad at the world today.  It started out as a not so bad day.....while I was still in bed.  I have been dropping everything today, and my patience level is extra low.  I walked with J this morning, we got caught in the rain which was interesting.  It definitely motivating!  I would say it was about 40 minutes.  I'm a little sore which is a good sign!

I made the green smoothie for my after work out snack.  I wasn't super hungry but I new if I didn't have something I'd be too hungry later.  I think I'm going to make the smoothie after each work out.  I think it would be a good replenisher.   The spinach, banana, PB.....all a good combo.

Tonight for dinner we tried spaghetti squash.  This is the link to the recipe  http://dandydishes.blogspot.com/2011/10/spaghetti-squash-au-gratin.html#.UFhgxVHYGkw.  I substituted 0% Greek yogurt for the sour cream, but I did add some extra cheddar.  I can't help myself with cheese.  LOL  The verdict:  The kids and the hubby did not enjoy it as much as I did.  The kids wouldn't eat it, hubby ate it but I could tell wasn't excited. I however enjoyed it.  It had the flavor of hashbrown casserole and a similar texture so for me it tasted like a carb.  I saved the leftovers for me to have during the week. 

A pet peeve of mine is when I spend time on recipes and cooking and it goes unappreciated.  My husband doesn't like eating this over and over so I am always looking for new recipes to try.  Not only looking for new recipes, but also grocery shopping and prepping.  The kids wound up having a bowl of cereal.  Normally I don't make separate meals, but it was a 3 out of 4 "no" on the meal so.....cereal it was.

Tomorrow I am going to try the C25K again.  Oh, the banana muffins were really good!  Very filling and definitely fill the chocolate craving! The link to those http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/blogs/vitamin-g/2011/04/afternoon-snack-the-cure-for-a.html

Last complaint......I hate helping the kids with homework.  VERY frustrating. 

Monday's Report

Today was so busy!  Holy heck.  I feel like I haven't stopped.  The weather this morning was great.  A little breeze, which felt awesome.  J and I started our C25K today!  Only able to run 3minutes total, LOL but it was our first try.  I'm super proud of us that we attempted it at all.  And of course with time it will only get better.  We are also going to sign up for the color run.  They are holding on in December.  Far enough away for us to get better, but close enough to be a short term goal.   I'm super excited about that.

I tried to have my "green smoothie" today.  I say tried because I mixed up the fruits and diverted from the recipe.  BIG mistake.  Instead of being a gorgeous green color it looked like baby poop.  Seriously.  Poop.  I couldn't even drink it.  So I wound up having some stale cherrios for lunch.  LOL

We are also testing a new recipe for Chocolate Banana muffins, made with applesauce and a 1/2 and 1/2 mixture of regular and wheat flour.  I'll let you know.  Tonight I was lazy and made hamburger helper, but we tried a new recipe of Honey glazed Roasted carrots.  They were ok.  They only cooked for 25 minutes and I think they could have used another 5. 

Tomorrow is Crockpot porkchops with spaghetti squash augratin.  Spaghetti squash is new to me.  I've seen recipes for it before but have never made it.  I'm looking forward to it!

Goals for this week

Setting mini goals:

1.  Exercise 4x this week
2.  Eat in 5x this week
3.  Fix the "Green Monster Smoothie" 3x
4.  Try something new

I made our meal plan for this week.  Wednesday is our anniversary so we will be splurging on his favorite meal, but I think as long as I work out this week and keep making small changes I'll be ok.

Recap of last week-I worked out 5x which is awesome.  But my eating wasn't that great.  I splurged a lot, but I think that small changes are better than none!

Saturday Adventures

We have 2 new additions to our family today!  We got 2 kitties, Charlie and Cupcake.  They are both girls, each kid named one.  I wanted them to be Charlie and Lola, but DD had other ideas.  As usual.  I walked this morning with my friend J and we have been talking about starting the C25K.  We decided that we are going to try it out on Monday.  I'm excited!  I will probably die after the first 30 seconds, but you gotta start somewhere!!

Tomorrow will be my day of rest.  Thank goodness!

Trying new things

Today I tried the Green Monster Spinach Smoothie.  Verdict: Pretty good.  I will definitely have this again.  I found the recipe from http://iowagirleats.com/2012/01/04/my-top-secret-diet-weapon/.  You don't taste the spinach at all and lets face it, we could all use a way to get in our veggies!